on guilt

It's Sunday morning and I'm catching up on my blog reader (qualifier- we go to church on Saturday nights). Yes, I felt the need to put a qualifier; you'll understand after your read the rest of this post. I came across this post from OMG Mom about "mommy guilt". Go read it then come back and read the rest of this post, it will make so much more sense.

Read it? Okay, good... carrying on then. All I can say is that I TOTALLY relate. Why do we do it to ourselves? I have no idea, but that guilt is almost always there, no matter which option I take. Illustration: Just yesterday Jude flat-out refused to eat or take his bottle except for a little bit in the morning. The day before at his 9-month checkup (which I was 2 months late for. GUILT) our doctor lectured me that he needs to eat more/more often. GUILT. But then my sensible side kicked in and I wanted to ask if *she* has a picky 11-month old. (No. she is a single, successful young doctor and is obviously rolling in dough. Hate) So when Jude wouldn't "EAT, dammit"... I got mad. Really, really mad. I didn't scream at him or anything, but he knew I was mad because I was banging plates and slamming cupboard doors like a 5-year-old. GUILT. So then what happens later that night? He comes down with a raging fever. Turns out he wasn't being obstinate and making my life miserable by not eating his peas like I thought (really? an 11-month old?), but he was getting sick. GUILT. I got mad at a sick baby for not eating. SHAME.

So I'm trying to make it better today by only giving him his favorite foods (bananas + yogurt) and not making him finish it, but THAT is making me feel guilty because I keep seeing Rich Single Doctor in the back of my mind shaking her head and writing notes on Jude's chart as she observes my failure to include protein. GUILT.

So now I'm eating a piece of toasted banana bread in bed from Starbucks, even though I still have 15 lbs. of pregnancy weight to lose. GUILT. And I just got a text from my good pal Johanna about the freaking *triathlon* she was in this morning. She's down 40 lbs. from her pre-preggo weight and her baby is only 6 weeks older than mine. FAIL. GUILT.

I can't win.

But I can do makeup really well, for what THAT'S worth.

last week...

...was a very good week. The time spent with my parents was so much fun, and non-stop action! It's kind of amazing to me how my parents, at nearly 60ish, can outlast Rob and I- and Jude- but they can, almost every time. They're pretty much the busiest, most productive, go-go-go people I know. I love their drive and purposefulness and vision of life, God, and family. I get excited around them, i feel like life just has so much potential, and the possibilities are endless. Inspiring and tiring!

We kicked off their visit with a BBQ in our common area with our small group and some new friends. Can't go wrong with burgers, beers, and buddies. (Okay yeah, that was cheesy, I admit)

In the middle of the week, we took a roadtrip "up north" to Duluth for a two-nights' stay in a historic home. While we were there, we toured the Glensheen Mansion, a gigantic turn-of-the-century mansion (so. awesome.), walked along the shore of Lake Superior, watched one of the biggest barges on the Lake go under a bridge (quite the local spectacle), and spent our relatively lazy evenings on the screened-in porch eating various organic local offerings from the "Whole Foods" down the street. (I quote the name because while they were called Whole Foods, they were not part of the national chain, and made a point to make that known)

Mom and I also found time to hit up various consignment stores while she was here (of course!) and we both came away with some stellar finds. I got something like 10 items for about $20, including a brand-new pair of Ralph Lauren trouser jeans, and Mom did even better. Plus, it's always more fun shopping with her than going alone!

I ran across a Groupon for 1/2 off a dinner cruise on Lake Minnetonka (just southeast of the Twin Cities area) so we concluded the week with a narrated cruise while munching on delicious fajitas and gawking at the multi-billion dollar mansions on the shoreline. Such fun!

My favorite snapshot of the week was taken on the deck of the dinner-cruise yacht:



I already miss them.

I'm not a blogger...

...and I'm finally coming to terms with it.

Really though, every time I think "oh that would be a fun thing to blog about" I actually just end up Tweeting it, which automatically posts it to Facebook, where I get loads of comments and interaction... and that does it for me. But then when I do actually want to post a blog entry, I am immediately filled with guilt about how much time has passed since I last blogged (hmm, reminds me of my journaling habits) and I feel compelled to explain why I haven't posted anything in... 6 months? I And I really don't like blogging about blogging. Or not blogging, as the case may be. :P

AT ANY RATE, here I am now. I'm taking it easy this morning while Jude is down for his morning nap and Rob is at work; I spent yesterday in a cloud of dust, cleaning supplies, and decorations in preparation for my parents' visit. They got here yesterday afternoon on a plane that was an hour and a half late, forcing me to waste 5 gallons of gas circling the baggage claim before giving up and parking, wasting 6 dollars and an hour trying to keep a curious and tired 10-month-old happy in a crowded, dirty airport. But that's another story.

I pulled a fast one on my folks and had our small group over for a cookout last night, which they helped with, and seemed to enjoy, despite being up since 4 am. They really are good sports! After everyone left, we sat out on our deck admiring the sunset while Rob read a bit from one of his latest favorite books, Notes From The Tilt-O-Whirl. Then we decided to be super-spiritual and watch Jim Gaffigan... but not before watching a selection from the Beatles Anthology; the video of their live broadcast of "All You Need Is Love" (and flowers in your hair, apparently).

It was a lovely evening, but I think we wore my parents out because it's 10:15 am and they are still sleeping, which is unheard of. My mom is usually up with the birds, and my dad almost always makes a coffee run before Mom gets up. But I do have to remember that it's two hours later here than it is in Nevada, so to them it's only 8:15. Rob and I kept Jude sufficiently quiet when he woke up at 7:30 (thank you, God- a sleep-in morning for me!) and now he's already been zonked out for an hour. As is obvious, I casually sashayed over to this dusty old blog to see if anything creative sprang to mind to share with the faceless masses on the nebulous blob that is The Internet.

We have lots of fun things planned for the week; tomorrow we're heading up to Duluth for two nights, then dashing home in time for Rob to make Saturday evening worship practice and church, I have a wedding on Sunday for which I am doing the makeup on a LOVELY bride and several bridesmaids at a gorgeous historic mansion, then on Monday we're going to explore Lake Minnetonka and gawk at all the muli-million dollar houses, finishing the evening off with dinner aboard a yacht. 'Twill be a lovely, busy week! We may even have to squeeze a trip to the zoo in there somewhere, too.

I love that I have so much fun with my parents; they are getting cooler and even more fun the older I get... or am I getting older and less cool? Either way, we love hanging out together and talking about God, life, trials, encouragements, and the occasional glass of good wine. I saw this on Postsecret a few weeks ago, and had it saved in an open browser window on my iPhone since then... I was planning on emailing it to my mom, but it really fits this post well:



It's true, it really is.

And now, I'm going to go make avocado toast and coffee, then get ready to go check out a sale at TurnStyle (local consignment chain) and maybe hit Trader Joe's for Duluth-trip snacks. Greek yogurt, perhaps?

Until next time, my friends!