Today Jude is six months old.
It's absolutely unreal how fast these last six months have flown by. It feels like a blur! I knew it at the time... I remember thinking when he was 3, 6, 10 weeks old that the days were going by so fast, and now we're already at the half-year point! Sometimes I feel like I "just had a baby" and other times it seems like he's been a part of our lives for so long that it's hard to remember what daily life looked without him.
Well, okay, I *can* remember, but it feels very distant. I suppose that's due to the fact that babies are just so all-encompasing. They permeate every single aspect of your life; your days, your nights, your going out, and your staying in. I used to be upset when people would discount my thoughts on children because I wasn't a parent and "couldn't possibly know what it's really like". And to some degree I still feel that is a bad reason to discount someone's opinions, but I'm starting- just starting- to understand why... you earn this thing called parenting experience with many sleepless nights, tears, and core-changing growth.
I'm really surprised how much being a mother (ack, that's still so odd!) has changed me, and how much it hasn't. I'm still ME, with my same tastes, loves, and quirks, but I'm a different, mellower, deeper version of me. I'm also surprised at how much I love, really love, being a mother. I was so worried about my ability and even questioned my mothering instinct up until the day Jude was born. I remember even telling my mom that I really wished that I was going to have a puppy instead of a baby! She really reassured me by telling me that she felt similar feelings toward children before she had me, and evidentaly she liked me so much she went on to have three more kids, so something must have changed. haha But seriously, I am amazed at how much I like Jude, and like being home with him. I definitely had to work through my fears of boredom and inability, and the working out of those fears came with many tears and really only by taking one trembly step after another. I've never had to lean hard on the Lord like I had to in the first month or two of Jude's life, but He has and is proving Himself strong for me, and I'm really enjoying this scary thing called motherhood.
Anyway, I didn't even really mean to get deep, and I feel like I barely scratched the surface of what I could say about all the ways the Lord is showing me more of who He is. Mainly I just wanted to commemorate Jude's 6 month mark with a few words and pictures. He's great. Really great.
5 years ago